Day One... Six Days late (oh and about 20 years)

And so it begins...

I just got done with my first walk.  It was for about 30 minutes and I did 20 jumping jacks before I started.  I feel pretty good.

I had an epiphany today.  It was a gradually progressing epiphany mind you, but it started this morning when I got dressed.  My pants that I'd chosen to wear today were tight and uncomfortable.  I found this strange since I had worn them within the last couple of weeks and I didn't remember them fitting that way.  Now, mind you, I've never liked the way these pants fit, but I have a limited wardrobe, so I wear what's available.  They were extremely tight across the belly, the fattest part of my body.  But I chose to leave the house in them anyway thinking they'd maybe "give" a little as the day went on. 

Sadly, I was mistaken.  Things only seemed to go from bad to worse.  And by the end of the day, I had a deep red indentation in my "waist" where the pants were digging in.  Ugh.

So that's it.  No more excuses.  I am the world's biggest excuse maker.  I can come up with an excuse as to why my life is the way it is to justify it to server whatever purpose happens to be meaningful at the time.  It starts today.

Now I have been making some other positive changes lately.  I have been cleaning the kitchen when it's dirty despite who dirtied it.  There are a few exceptions to this rule, but you have to understand how my stance has changed in order to appreciate the significance of this.  I loathe cleaning the kitchen.  It is probably the room I hate the most to clean.  Oh, who am I kidding, I hate cleaning in general.  However, the kitchen gets the dirtiest the fastest and the grossest.  I can't stand the smell of a dirty kitchen.   I used to be such a bitch about not cleaning it if someone else messed it up.  It seemed unfair to me.  Why should I have to clean up your dirty dish mess?  Well, the answer is simple.  It bothers ME.  If it bothers ME, I should do something about it.  So, I've been cleaning the kitchen a lot and you know what?  It feels pretty good.  I started the dishwasher this morning when I left for work and emptied it on my lunch.  I think it's an awesome feeling to come home to a clean kitchen and a nearly empty dishwasher. 

I have been cooking more (which does though support my old thought of cleaning up our own messes, but whatever).  I got a subscription to Southern Living magazine and have loved cooking for myself and friends.  It's fun!!  This leads me to another change.

I used to hate going to the grocery store, especially by myself.  Tough shit.  So I make a list and get an appropriate sized cart and go when I need to.  Not putting it off until (insert excuse here).  Just GOING. 

So here's my plan, exercise, eat better, cook more, makes no excuses, and get out of this "situation" i've put myself in.  Which gets me back to the point of why I'm doing this.  I'm fat.  Oh, man I am obese and I hate it.  It's a hard thing to admit that I'm actually morbidly obese, but I think the numbers support that.  I'm 5'6", probably around 255lbs. and completely out of shape.  And I just don't want to be any more.  So no more excuses.  The end starts today.  Join me on this journey if you want.  I plan to document this experience for some accountability to myself.  There will be times that will be difficult and I will probably share more than you may want to hear, but remember this is for me and about me.  Also if you find a reference to other people in here, it is not meant to pick on them or possibly even sound accusatory, but don't misunderstand.  I will do my best to make sure that I talk about MY feelings and MY reactions, not about what other people are doing.

See ya tomorrow.